Yesterday I realized how big of a control freak I am. It was one of those moments that was so ridiculous, it had me laughing at myself (eventually). You see I went to the beach with my daughter, and was just trying to relax a bit. I live in a tourist town where flocks and flocks of people come in the summer to enjoy the beach with their families. But sometimes, these same lovely tourists drive me batty.
Yesterday was one of those days. I will begin this story by informing you, my dear reader, that I had just started my period, so my hormones were a smidge out of whack. But nonetheless, I take full ownership of my control freak issues, and I am working on clearing those up now.
Okay so back to the beach. My daughter and I got to the beach, paid for a few hours of parking, and then we went on the hunt for a prime spot to drop our stuff off. You see I am thoughtful in that I don't like to crowd up next to people or sit my stuff down right in front of them, obscuring their view of the beautiful ocean. No. I like to find a spot that is just far enough away to give folks their space.
Not everyone feels this way though, as I found out a few minutes after we were soaking in the sunshine and watching the waves. A lady, probably a very nice lady, parked all of her shit right in front of us, blocking our view. I mean come on, she could have walked down even a few feet away and set up, but noooooooo, she had to set up her chairs, her umbrella, her blanket and coolers and everything else but the kitchen sink right in front of me. How dare she? Remember I informed you I had just gotten my period.
Okay, so I being the person I am, just shook my head and tried to ignore the invader. It was such a beautiful and sunny day after all. I could still sort of see my daughter playing in the water. So all was well. Until...
There was a lovely family of five to the right and just in front of us hanging out and also enjoying a fun, family beach day. The kids were playing in the sand, like kids do. Then the kids decided to throw a Frisbee around, which is a great beach activity unless you are surrounded by people. Then maybe not so much. But the parents were sunning themselves in their chairs and not paying those adorable little offspring any attention at all, so the kids were throwing their flying disc of doom all over the place. And boy they sure sucked at catching it. I was almost hit in the head, not once, not twice but three times. Finally I very nicely suggested they move over a little bit, because I really preferred to not get a concussion from their little game. They moved and the crisis was averted.
And then it happened, that light bulb moment. I had the seriously major realization that I was being a total control freak!! It was so obvious that I started laughing. How ridiculous was I being? It was so hysterical to me to think that for even one moment I could control what anyone around me was doing. What the hell was I thinking? Once this huge ah-ha moment presented itself, I totally relaxed and let go of it all.
I have absolutely zero, nada, no control over anyone else but ME. I can choose how I react, respond, think, but I cannot control what other people do, ever! What a great reminder for me, seriously. I was out of control yesterday with all that nonsense, and it was stopping me from just enjoying the beach with my daughter (which we ended up doing quite nicely after I chilled the f out).
The moral of the story here is that your "stuff" will come out at the most perfect moments for you to look at (if you choose that is). It is up to you to recognize where you need to do some healing and releasing for your own good.
Caroline Nixon is
an intuitive healer and teacher who wrote two books about what she knows.